Category: Let's talk
Have you ever known someone who spends their time putting themselves down? Telling the world what a failure they are, or how ugly they are, or how unintelligent … etc etc? Or, are you one of those type people who constantly feels that you need to tell the world how much of a failure you are, or how ugly or … well basically highlighting your bad points to everyone? My question is this, if you’re a positive person, does it annoy you when others put themselves down constantly? D you even think perhaps, that it comes across as just looking for attention? And if you’re one of those who feels they need to constantly say bad things about themselves, why do you do it.
I know someone. Myself. It's sad but it is just how I feel sometimes, Claire. I don't do this all the time. See, if you are told by your parents that you are too fat to get a BF or a job, ... wouldn't you some days say "!oh they're right, I' mtoo fat/stupid to do anything"?
Well ines I've read quite a bit about your situation from the boards and I think your story is pretty honest, so i don't include you in my answer to sugarbabe! but yes, SB for the most part I am a pretty positive person! yeah I know I am pretty sarcastic at times. but those who i talk to on here pqn's and all probably can vouch for me! I have friends on and off here who can do quite a bit of riding of the pitty party bus. I have one friend who I hang out with quite a bit who is constantly negative I don't do well with that sort of thing. I find that the more positive people I talk to, positive books I read, and just things I look out for that are uplifting the better I feel. we spend way to much time tearing things around us down as it is! I am not talking about religion for say, just that there is some good shit out there that you can grow and learn from if you want to give it a chance.
I will never allow anyone who is nasty malicious childish and insecure, to destroy my self esteem, and believe me plenty have tried and damned hard...I have become hardened to their abuse and derision after a childhood filled with insults from neds ect ..I learned how to cope with such eejits..what you have to remember is these people are consumed with self hatred,and rather than dealing with it, they redirect it on to who ever fits the bill...as long as you can remember how badly they feel towards themselves their idiotic remarks cannot hurt you...
I wonder if this is a part of just how people are, but some people are better at putting a mask on than others? After all, it's supposed to be a bad thing to think highly of yourself, as it tells people you are a snob or stuck-up. Plus, I find that a lot of people have a wonderful talent for taking any positive feeling or experience and finding ways to feel guilty about it or unworthy of having it. OK, if you aren't worthy, who can you name who is and why? If you are inadequate, who is adequate and why? Do we set impossibly high standards for ourselves so when we don't reach them, we can have the satisfaction of the disappointment it brings? Do people generally not feel alive unless they're miserable?
Thank you, Dawson. Of course it is not good to put yourself down too much, because this might A.: put others down as well and B.: give a wrong impression of you. I just say what is true, I just say which point of view of myself my parents gave me, what they made me believe.
Oh!!! Clare!!! I get really annoyed when people constantly put themselves down!!! I always try to be cheerful and listen to people when they are telling me things but sometimes, I just can't take their negativness. I always try to tell them positive things about them but it seems never to go through. It's just like talking to a stone wall!!! All I have to say is that, all my life, I have been told by my family that I was dumb, boring, stupid, fat, slow, lazy, ugly, clumsy, too sensitive, will never find a man who loves me, a bitch, a ho, and so much more!!! But despite all of that, I just don't like to put myself down!!! Yeah. Sure. I have days where I just don't feel good about myself but I don't really like to share those days with a lot of people. So I guess I don't like to talk much to people who always put themselves down!!! So to all of you, keep up the big smile cuz I'll be smiling too!!!
*sexy*
You know, I realize it's really annoying to have to listen to that constantly, but on the other hand, putting oneself down can become a habit if one has been raised to be meek, and always pleasant, and humble, so it's not always really a choice. It's one of those habits that take a long time to ditch *smile*.
i'm a really positive person, and it really annoys me when people constantly put themselves down. i try to reinforce the positiveness, but it doesn't always work. what keeps me going though, is knowing that i'm doing the right thing, and just being who i am.
Michelle, I appologize if I ever annoyed you with saying bad things about myself. But it is hard to stop it. you know. But I will try.
Oh my gosh, Ines!!! I don't mean it like that. Gees!!! I just meant...*sigh* I knew I shouldn't have replied to this, Clare!!!
*Sexy*
You know, the bottom line is this: There are going to be those times when you will put yourself down, and that's a fact. But, my motto has been, and this is no matter what happens, if you been kicked down, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on. There are always people most worse off than you.
No actually sg I think you’re spot on. It annoys me intensely when people constantly put themselves down, especially when it is to people they perhaps don’t know so well. I think we all have to be able to recognize our weaknesses, but being able to admit to those is different than telling the world what a failure you are. Those of you that know me well will know that I have been put down all my life and told that I was no good at anything, but while there were people out there prepared to do that, there were people who believed in me, and that is the all important key. If you take the positive on board, you are a more positive and confident person because of it, also you send a message to those who are negative about you that it doesn’t matter what they say, because you are your own person. However, if you go the other way and always take the negative approach, it could be seen that you are throwing the beliefs that others have in you, back in their face. In short though, if you don’t love yourself, and don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect others to love or believe in you.
No michelle I was just unsure if I was meant by that. What I meant was, if you ever feel like I annoy you with bring myself down, you can always tell me. I did not mean to make you feel guilty.
And trust me, I have been worse in putting myself down. There were worse times. And also I think there are other people who are even more negative. Now I do not want to mention names but there are a few people on here where eve nthe username tells that they bring themselves down.
I'd have to agree. I see so many people not just on here but everywhere intent on putting themselves down and sometimes they do so solely in order to get attention or sympathy. I think this is very bad for you as a person. I thik one should always know oneself and that includes strengths and weaknesses and it's ok to ask for help or a sholder to lean on when something is seriously wrong but if you appear unhappy all the time and always put yourself down people will get tired of it and perhaps then they won't be there for you when you really need them and something big happens in your life that you can't cope with yourself. I think it's good to be aware of your weaknesses and perhaps work out a way to become better at them or to avoid having to expose them but you also need to play off your strengths. I never wonder seriously if I deserve something or someone. I just go after it and get it or not, sometimes those who deserve something don't get it simply because they don't try. It's all about trying, the worst thing that happens is that you be turned down and that's the same thing that will automatically happen if you do nothing. So why not try and be active and put yourself out there. You really have nothing to lose and it only matters what you believe about yourself, you can bring others around to your point of view if you are persistent enough.
cheers
-B
Yes, ideally, Wildebrew, that is the way it should be, and I frankly admire people who can pull this off. But self-assurance is a skill that needs to be learned. But then again, perhaps a bit of insecurity and systematically putting oneself down, particularly if it done to gain attention, don't really fall into the same category? And I agree, not only might it be dangerous for people to constantly put themselves down, but it can also be downright dangerous. Because even if you (in the sense of "one") don't believe in what you say while putting yourself down to begin with, if you say it often enough, you'll end up believing it, and then it might inhibit you from putting any real faith into yourself, and pursuing the life you want.
Yes, ideally, Wildebrew, that is the way it should be, and I frankly admire people who can pull this off. But self-assurance is a skill that needs to be learned. But then again, perhaps a bit of insecurity and systematically putting oneself down, particularly if it done to gain attention, don't really fall into the same category? And I agree, not only might it be dangerous for people to constantly put themselves down, but it can also be downright dangerous. Because even if you (in the sense of "one") don't believe in what you say while putting yourself down to begin with, if you say it often enough, you'll end up believing it, and then it might inhibit you from putting any real faith into yourself, and pursuing the life you want.
Anyway if you (no matter who of you) ever sees me putting myself down too much, you can certainly tell me to shut up, lol, sometimes I don'T even realize it.
I don't know if a users log in name can advertise their lack of self esteem...most of the names here are either taken from a literature,a dark perspective, LOTR, and thankfully the odd humorous one..there aren't many that shout I feel nothing but self hatred..
Yeah there are a few. I will not mention any names but it is just a sad fact that ... not many, but I know at elast one ... even gives him/herself a username to bring him/herself down.
Well, I know that I have a habbit of putting myself down, but I am getting slowly better at not doing it. When I was at school, I was a very different. I was quiet, shy, wouldn't say anythign to anyone really. All that ever happened was that I got picked on. I remember a topick on these boards about bullying. I think someone wrote that it was the victim's fault because they were a victim. I don't acutally remember if I replied to it, but it really got me annoyed because that's utter rubbish. If there's one of you and eight of them, and your shy by nature and don't knwo what to say or do, how does that make you in the wrong? I agree with Ines on this, if you are told something rof long enoughy, you end up believeing it. I wish I knew how it wored actually. It's funny how you never mannage to believe the good stuff quite so easily... But yeh, you do need to love yourself before anyoen can love you too. A year an a half ago, I pretty much hated myself. Now, I'm not sure that I love myself all the time, I do some days, but the rest of the time, I at least like myself. I think though, if you knwo you do it, you can maybe half warn people so they know you're trying to work on this an that maybe you could use them reminding you of it sometimes. Also, it's not only about the fact that someone does put themselves down, it's how they do it. If it's an unsureness, it's not so hard, but if it's in a depressive way, that's totally different.